THE DRIVING GAME

To all intent and purpose there are no rules of the road. To the new arrival travelling by road in Kerala it seems that chaos reigns with vehicles occupying every space on the road in a very haphazard fashion. In fact, there are highway regulations (which I know from having to learn them for my driving licence), but it seems that for most Indians once the driving test has been passed all the rules are conveniently forgotten! Instead driving is akin to participating in a chaotic game of highway chess.

There are essentially four things to watch out for when driving:
1.      Pot Holes – these can suddenly appear even in what seems to be a good road surface. To save their tyres and suspension everyone swerves to avoid them even if this means driving on the wrong side of the road.
2.      Road Humps – why ‘sleeping policemen’ are needed in areas where roads are congested is a mystery as traffic moves so slowly especially during the rush hour periods at the start and end of the working day. Although they are supposed to be marked most are not and can take the driver by surprise and give their passengers a nasty jolt!
3.      Traffic Lights – some of the major road junctions have them, usually positioned above the lanes, but there is no advance warning that they are there and some can be very dim to see.
4.      Traffic Police – many road junctions have one or more uniformed policemen to control the flow of traffic. Unlike the bobbies who used to wear white gauntlets to direct traffic in England, the Keralan policeman uses flailing arms and whistles to stop and start vehicles.

Given these ‘hazards’ the cautious person drives at a leisurely pace watching out for vehicles to front and rear and to left and right. Mirrors are essential, as would be eyes on the back and sides of the head.

Apart from pot holes, vehicles move out to avoid pedestrians and the many animals that share the roads – cows, goats, buffalo, stray dogs. Horns are essential to announce to anybody and everybody that you are there, and particularly when overtaking other vehicles; passing anything that breathes; or on blind bends. In fact, some drivers consider it obligatory to sound the horn continuously. The exception is late at night when full beam is used but without bothering to dip for oncoming vehicles!

Overtaking slow moving vehicles seems mandatory. In doing so you have to move out, look for a clearish gap in the oncoming traffic, check nothing is coming up behind or to either side and then go for it. But then a vehicle may swerve out or a pot hole may suddenly appear so giving a wide berth is essential.  Even then another vehicle may overtake you meaning there can be 3 or 4 vehicles abreast of each other, which can be scary when there is traffic approaching from the other direction!

Roundabouts exist but there is no real concept of ‘give way to the right’ and more often or not vehicles will go around them in the wrong direction! At road junctions drivers have to watch out for scooters, motorbikes, rickshaws and indeed any vehicle joining the road from any side. There is no concept of stopping first and it is assumed approaching traffic will slow down or swerve around them.

Additionally, vehicles will turn around at will, usually involving pulling into the centre of the road before doing so. On dual carriageways U turning vehicles force vehicles to slow down and change lane to allow them to join. As the use of indicators or hand signals is minimal the use of the horn is essential.

Road signs are limited to some of the major junctions and in many urban and rural areas street signs can equally be non-existent. Sat Nav helps but is not always accurate and signal can be lost in mountain areas. Even so it is better than trying to ask directions without any Malayalam. Petrol stations are frequent, and all charge roughly the same price although diesel is cheaper than petrol. There is no concept of self service and attendants fill the fuel for you - just like they used to do in the UK fifty years ago.

Basically, driving on Indian roads is like a game of draughts or chess. You can move in any direction where there is an empty space if it gives you a millisecond of advantage – and this principle is adhered to by all drivers. It is very much survival of the fittest. Tailgating is obligatory!

The biggest menace on the roads are the buses. They are big, solid lumps of metal that are always driven as fast as possible expecting everyone else (sensibly) to make way for them. If they are the King of the Road then the fleets of Toyota Innova seven seater cars favoured by tour companies are the Queens of the Road as they sweep serenely along. Alongside them are the hordes of auto-rickshaws that really are the Knights of the Road, picking their way through the traffic making the most of their mobility if not their speed.

It would be nice to term the heavy goods vehicles, with their brilliantly colourful decorations, as the Bishops of the Road but in reality, they are the donkeys that plod along slowing everything up behind them. The role is taken by the motor cars which are generally piously driven with care and attention.

The Pawns are definitely the swarms of scooters and motorcycles that weave their way between other vehicles with impunity. They are a sight to behold, often with a whole family of two adults and three or four children balanced on them. The irony is that legally only the driver must wear a crash helmet whereas their passengers do not!

With time the shock of travelling on Indian roads wears off as you become inured to the apparent chaos. There are accidents but essentially the ‘unwritten’ rules (based around the official ones) do work and only occasionally is highway stalemate experienced.